Divorce is the Answer
Last weekend was Valentine’s Day. The day where those in love try extra hard to prove it and those who are single try extra hard to forget it. 
J and I have never put much effort into Valentine’s Day simply because going out to eat is usually a hassle and honestly our idea of a good night is getting take-out and watching TV. There are plenty of other days to enjoy a date night and spending time together is always our main objective. I must say though that for the past 8 years I have consistently received a gorgeous bouquet of flowers, delivered with a sweet note, that have been carefully picked out to ensure the inclusion of Tulips, my favorite flower. J is picky and if the bouquet isn’t up to his standards he either requests a custom arrangement or won’t order flowers at all. Our first Valentine’s Day, back in 2006, he was still living in Texas and I in Georgia. He told my mom to make sure we were home for a “special delivery.” I received TWO huge boxes of red, white and pink Tulips. I was so surprised and nothing could wipe the smile off my face. It was the first time I had ever received anything more than some chocolate from a church function of sorts. I proudly displayed the tulips next to my bed (that’s how I found out they make me sneeze, but I didn’t care!) He later told me that he had borrowed his mom’s debit card to order them and had wanted to send more but she wouldn’t let him. I still have the note that he sent with the flowers…and I have saved each one since then too. After all, it is my favorite part!
I’ve been thinking a lot about how our relationship has changed in the past 8 years. We were kids…with kid problems. I was recently reading some of our old love letters we sent to one another. J’s were always so sweet, filled with flowery language, Shakespearean imagery and pictures he had drawn. Mine were less creative, but I did my best to profess my love the best way a 15 year old girl knew how. A common theme was always “when we’re together, everything will be okay.” Our immature minds weren’t thinking about how to divvy up house chores, settle adult arguments, deal with in-laws, the stress of money or paying taxes. To us, being together was going to solve everything- we were going to live on love! Nothing else was going to matter. I remember the aching feeling I would have when I missed him more than I could express. I felt like my heart was literally breaking. We were always so careful about hurting the other one’s feelings, saying the right things, making up RIGHT after a little fight and I always made absolutely sure I had my hair done and makeup on before he saw me. Now we’re “adults.” I say it like that because half the time I still feel like a kid playing house…however, it’s the most stressful version of that game I’ve ever experienced.
Obviously, our relationship is drastically different than it was during the era of curfews and getting off the phone to do homework. We’ve gone through all of the stages we used to talk about….learning to drive, graduating high school, moving out, going to college, buying cars, buying a house, getting married….and now 8 years later we’re here- married for almost 3 years! Time has flown by…..and with time I sometimes feel like we have misplaced the velvet gloves we used to use with our relationship. We don’t write the frequent love letters, we speak our minds readily (sometimes at the other’s expense) and I absolutely don’t have my hair and makeup fixed everyday. (This is where I have to give him props- he always puts the seat down! 🙂 ) Of course we love each other more than we ever have, it’s just a more mature and grown up love….a less naive and innocent love. It’s easy to wish that we could somehow go back in time to when our biggest concern was choosing the show we wanted to watch while cuddling, however, I also remember the heartache of the long distance relationship. You have to remind yourself that there will always be struggles no matter the stage of love you’re in, they just transform with time. The issues will always seem big, and sometimes they are, however most are solved with maturity….and reflection..sometimes you wake up and realize “Man! We haven’t fought about the dishes in a long time.” It’s the tiny wins and successes that fuel you through the hard times.
I’m grateful to wake up next to J each and every day. He’s still my rock, my support system and most of all, my best friend. I say this because I feel as though the world’s expectations for relationships has gone astray. Fighting is off limits, let alone disagreeing. Everyone has a laundry list of requirements before they’re happy. Height, weight, age, hair color, blood type, the name of their childhood pet and the list goes on….God forbid 5 years down the road and 2 kids later they uncover something they don’t like. We all wonder why the divorce rate is so high…it’s an easy out. Society has made divorce the answer. Understanding that you WILL go through hard times and you WILL still love that person no matter how annoying they get (and believe me, it will happen) that keeps you focused on the true purpose of your effort- the person you chose to love, a partner in life and a promise that you will never face anything alone.
“No one can make me cry
Make me laugh
Make me smile
Or drive me mad like s/he does
It’s like a curse that is the cure
Better or worse, one thing’s for sure
It’s real love and I don’t know what I’d do
If I lost it”
– Katie –
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#11- Learn how to play the steel guitar
Ahhhh! I cannot stop smiling right now. A few days ago, while I was doing some research into playing the Steel Guitar, I came across the Texas Steel Guitar Association. I sent their President, Albert Tally, an email explaining that I am a complete newbie and I would love some help/tips/pointers and on finding lessons and buying my first instrument. I didn’t hear back via email so I figured I would just keep researching and maybe eventually would find some help. I was sitting at work and randomly got a phone call from Mr. Talley! He was the sweetest, nicest and most encouraging individual ever! He gave me the run down on 
what would probably be my best options, invited me to the association’s monthly meetings and their annual jamboree in Dallas. He then began to tell me about some of the people he might be able to help me and give me lessons. There’s a lady that lives only 15 minutes from me who plays the resonator. Here’s the crazy inspirational part, she’s blind! She played before she went blind but still plays and he’s going to get in touch with her to see if she wouldn’t mind meeting me. He asked my age and told me that I’m more than capable of learning and becoming a good player. I feel so empowered that this goal is going to come to fruition and that I’ll end up learning more than just “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” I’m so excited right now! Can’t wait to hear back from Mr. Talley and start this amazing journey!
I’m So Pumped!
#27 (Make all 2013 Christmas gifts by hand) is coming along nicely! I did a lot of research yesterday to see what I might be able to make people that won’t A) break the bank or B) cause me to have a mental breakdown. Like I mentioned before, I’m not the most creative individual but surprisingly, I actually know my way around a lot of crafty things. Growing up my mom forced my sister and I to be a part of “Girl’s Club.” We would get together once a month for about four hours to focus on a topic….sometimes it was a craft, other times it was an activity or a skill. I remember doing cross-stitch, horseback riding, macrame, latch hook, etiquette classes, sewing classes, swimming and knitting just to name a few. At the time, I HATED going. I felt like I didn’t have anything in common with the other girls and I was too much of a tomboy to enjoy it or TRY to enjoy it. One time, we did a tea party at a local tea room with crumpets and scones (I still think they are gross though)….we were all supposed to “dress appropriately”…dresses, gloves, hats with feathers, prissy shoes. I showed up in my jeans with a cowboy hat on. I can still remember the picture they took afterwards….everyone else batting their eyelashes and posing. I was standing in the middle with my hat and a small smile (just because my mom gave me the stink eye.) I’m still very much the same person…I’m always in my jeans, cowboy boots and a simple t-shirt but as an adult, I appreciate the skills that I learned and I’m glad my mom made me go. These experiences made me a well rounded individual, and now that I’m taking on hand made gifts, I don’t feel completely lost. I can’t post my Christmas list here since I have nosy family members who read this, however, I promise that after the holidays, I will post pictures of all the finished products and where I found the instructions for each! I’m so excited though. I have a group of friends who were also inspired to work on handmade items, so we are planning a “girl’s club” day to work on the crafts together…it’s always more fun when you can screw up with other people…you tend to be less critical of yourself. Plus….wine and crafts never hurt no body (Yes, Mom….I understand that was bad grammar.)
Holy Crap My List Is LONG
So….my list is growing longer by the day. I have added 5 additional goals in the past day, some hard….some super easy.
26. Learn sign language
27. Make all 2013 Christmas gifts by hand
28. Take a glass blowing class
29. Tip someone $100
30. Find my family’s heritage
#26 is inspired by my Grandmother Francis. Frances Francis was actually her full name (married into it, of course). She was one of my favorite people in the entire world and I consider her to be my hero. She was always looking out for my sister, my cousin Anna and I, especially when it came to my grandpa. He was always a bit strict with us and would try to monitor our food intake and limit our toilet paper use. I guess that’s what you can expect from someone who lived through the Great Depression in rural Alabama. She would always look at him and say in a low voice “Thommmasss.” He would go back to drinking his coffee or reading the paper and she would give us a small smile as if to say “It’s okay, you girls do whatever you want.” We would have grape fights in her kitchen and would enjoy peach ice-cream on her back porch. She always smelled like peppermint and mothballs and would keep strawberry chapstick and small strawberry candies on hand for when we visited. She was a very small, quaint women with many hidden talents, one being that she was fluent in sign language. Both of her parents were deaf and when she was younger she taught at the Alabama School for the Deaf and Blind. As a kid, I remember going to spend the week with her and my grandpa. She would teach me the alphabet, the signs for boy, girl, run, play….you know- all the simple stuff that kids would want to know or could easily remember. The town they lived in, Heflin, AL was very small and you would almost not even realize you drove through it if you blinked too long. I remember going to the local Piggly Wiggly with her to do some grocery shopping (she always had Golden Flake Sour Cream and Onion chips on hand) and she noticed that one of the bag boys was deaf. She started a conversation with him and you should’ve seen his face light up. I bet she was one of the only people in the entire town besides his family who had the ability to hold a conversation with him. I always wanted to be able to learn enough sign language to do the same if I ever had the opportunity.
Alright, on to something a bit less heavy…well not really…..Christmas. It’s October 23 and I have already begun to dread the holiday season. The endless commercials, the lists of people you have to buy stuff for just because that’s what’s expected but you really have no clue what they would like/want/use and so you spend way too much money and then in return get a bunch of stuff that you probably don’t like/want/will use. Consider this my “blackheart moment” of the day. My solution to this problem *drumroll* #27 Make all 2013 Christmas gifts by hand. YES, I said BY HAND. I think this gives me more of a purpose and appreciation for the meaning of a gift and even if the presents aren’t tons of money, it’s the time and thought that give them their worth. We shall see what happens considering I’ve never been the most creative person. On the flip side….I’ve been pondering the thought of asking that instead of material things requesting my family to take a look at my list and see if there’s something they might be able to assist me with completing. I’m sure my family has talents or connections I’m unaware of. If there’s nothing they can help with, that’s fine…but in trying to live a simpler life less focused on material items I figure I will try to minimize the amount of stuff I accumulate this holiday season and focus on experiences instead.
Operation: Drastic Change
So a few facts about myself so this next post will make more sense.
1) I grew up in the country and have always lived in the country.
2) My hubby and I love animals and have always had a menagerie. We currently have 4 dogs, 4 horses, 6 cows, 5 tortoises, 2 geckos, 4 bearded dragons, and we also breed snakes…we have about 50 of them. To go with the snakes- we breed our own rats too….don’t ask me how many we have, I lost count a long time ago.
3) When I moved to Texas in 2008, my hubby and I lived with his parents for about a year before buying our house. I have always lived with family or in our house, never in an apartment, dorms, condo, tent, Winnebago, nada……you get the idea.
Alright, so preface behind me, I have been thinking about my list and everything I want to get done. Many of these things I think it would be more fun to complete while I’m still young. I don’t plan on waiting to have my mid life crisis in order to figure things out. Plus, I feel that it might be more appropriate to say get a Jeep (#13) when I’m not old, wrinkly, gray haired with boobs down to my stomach (nvm, my boobs are way to small to ever reach my stomach, no matter how saggy). Also, going to Australia is something I want to do now…I’ve always wanted to go there, ever since I can remember. I already have my trip planned out! The common denominator in both of these is the lack of funds. Here lies my somewhat drastic and crazy plan. Sell everything. Yes….everything. Sell the house, sell the animals, sell the extra furniture we have. Put all the money in an account and rent an apartment. Now, I have never lived in the city. I actually hate the city. I think it’s too loud, too bright….too much stuff going on, however, if you ever want to live simply and not spend $600 on gas each month just to commute to work, the city is kind of handy. We could use the money to travel and do things we want to do, while we’re young and while we have the time….basically before kids and all the “responsibility” and “stability” that comes with those adorable bundles of joy that are covered in some time of random gross bodily fluid half the time…..ew. After a year, we can figure out where we want to settle down and build a life. A year is no time at all with how young we are and it’s literally our LAST chance to just make decisions without having huge consequences. We will have done all the major things we want to do AND hopefully it will give us the chance to save more money. Here are my biggest reservations:
1) The dogs…we have 4 of them. a Jack Russell, an English Bulldog (isn’t she cute?!), a Dachshund and a German Shepherd. Not all of those would be apartment friendly unfortunately….and 4 pet deposits…good lord. Maybe we should rent a house?….
2) What if we absolutely hate it? That’s a big possibility…but I guess that could be a lesson learned. We can always buy another house…
3) My hubby and I put alot into our snake business and selling everything seems like we would be moving backwards…..at the same time though maybe this will give us the chance to come up with another business idea that could be more stable and provide better returns.
4) Is right now the best time to sell a house? We’re going into the holidays….pretty much mortgage slow season. I don’t want the house to sit on the market forever….but I also want to take advantage of the chance to do something this drastic and do it whole-heartedly.
5) Losing my “identity”…..I know this sounds weird but I’ve always been the girl who lives in the country, with animals, in the middle of no where….I’m used to this lifestyle. It’s quiet, dark and secluded. Moving to the city and getting rid of basically everything I just mentioned will be crazy.
The best part is, the hubby is being extremely supportive of my random and very drastic idea. We’ll see what becomes of it….we have much research to do!
Day One
So this morning I had a miniature panic attack. My life is flying by. I work, I go home, I watch TV, I go to sleep and then I repeat…..365 days a year (not literally but it feels like it.) Sure, my hubby and I have alot, a house, lots of pets, lots of STUFF, two cars…..but do we ever really enjoy the things we have? We spend way too much time worrying about money and then way too much money on eating out and buying useless crap. The biggest waste is spending money on food because you literally end up flushing it down the toilet. The irony of this is the fact that we can’t stop ourselves from stopping and getting a Big Mac. My self control sucks. Okay, back to my original point….we work to afford our house and our useless STUFF, but we’re always working so we rarely have time to enjoy any of it. It’s a vicious cycle. My plan- come up with a list of things I want to do over my life time. Not a “Bucket List” because I don’t want to focus on the end of the list being death, but more of a “Bam! I totally ruled at living” type list. I decided I wanted to spend more time and effort (and money) on experiences rather than materialistic things. Thus, my list was born and I got started on it right away. First things first, #11. Where do I learn how to play the steel guitar? I know NOTHING about them and I have zero experience with playing instruments. I honestly just think they sound cool and would love to see the look on people’s faces when I say I know how to play it. That in itself is one of the main reasons it seems appealing. So anyway, I did some research. I found out that steel guitars are rather complicated. They have knee levers and foot pedals and can have like 12 strings. Whew, for those of you who know me….this might be a disaster. I reminded myself that I put “Learn how to play steel guitar” on my list and not “Become a professional steel guitar player.” Thank goodness for this. I guess I could technically learn “Mary Had a Little Lamb” and that could suffice. More later on #11.
I have a sister….she’s amazing and makes me feel like a heathen. She actually cares about people and this is why I call her Mother Theresa. She has agreed to jump aboard my “Thoreau Project” bandwagon and is writing her own list. She lives in Illinois so I’m planning a trip to go see her next spring. There are several items I might be able to check off my list while there: #17-Learning to drive a stickshift (she has a manual she can teach me on) as well as a joint effort on #24- Making a quilt. I’m sure it will take alot of research but in the end….I might end up marking this one off with a doll quilt. 🙂
the thoreau project 